Big Pharma Baffled as Grandma’s Walking Club Outsmarts Alzheimer’s Drugs

In an eye-rolling revelation that has left no one truly stunned, the elite Dr. Heather Sandison has revealed that exercise is good for your brain and might even help stave off disease like Alzheimer’s. So, stop the presses! After years of exhaustive research and hundres of millions of dollars, top scientists have finally cracked the code on what your grandma has been telling you for years: moving your body is beneficial.

The US health system has once again outdone itself by confirming the blindingly obvious. It appears that while we’ve been trained to wait for the next breakthrough drug to save us from cognitive decline, a simple jog around the block could have been the answer all along. Who would have thought that doing the hokey pokey and turning yourself around could actually be what it’s all about?

Doctors, those revered knights of the prescription pad, have been prescribing pills for every ailment under the sun. An example being our scoop on digital doctors pushing weight loss pills. It all makes us wonder if perhaps they were too busy writing prescriptions to notice the gym down the street. Big Pharma, of course, has been more than happy to supply an endless stream of miracle cures, conveniently overlooking the fact that regular physical activity could reduce the need for their pricey, harmful side effect inducing medications.

It’s almost as if our health system has been intentionally keeping this secret hidden, preferring to endorse expensive treatments rather than promoting the free, time-tested wisdom of “get off your ass.” Maybe next they’ll spend a billion dollars on research to find evidence that drinking water hydrates you, or that vegetables are good for your diet.

So here’s to the groundbreaking researchers and the health system that finally told us what we already knew. Next time your doctor tries to prescribe the latest wonder drug, perhaps suggest a brisk walk instead. It might just blow their mind.