JP Morgan Chase Seeks Identical Twins and Celebrity Doppelgangers for ‘Pay with Your Face’ Biometric System Debugging
In a move that has left many scratching their heads and others just scratching, JP Morgan Chase announced their latest technological marvel: the ‘Pay with Your Face’ biometric payment system. Scheduled for launch next year, the bank is taking no chances with its rollout, actively recruiting identical twins and celebrity doppelgängers to ensure every facial feature is foolproof.
“Our system’s accuracy needs to be ironclad,” said an enthusiastic JP Morgan spokesperson. “And who better to test it than people who look exactly like other people?”
Enter George Clooney and his doppelganger, Gary Luck, an unassuming accountant from Idaho. Gary has been thrust into the limelight, much to his bemusement. “I just wanted to buy groceries without people asking for autographs,” he lamented. “Now I have to debug a biometric payment system?”
The process involves identical twins like the Jensen brothers, who look so alike that even their mother can’t tell them apart on a bad hair day. “We tried fooling the system by swapping places,” one of the Jensens chuckled. “Turns out, it couldn’t tell us apart either. It’s like a bad episode of a 90s sitcom.”
JP Morgan’s team is also considering recruiting animal look-alikes for further testing, including the recruitment of Snoop Dogg and his uncanny doppelganger — an Italian Greyhound named Snoopy Dog. “Man, this system is gonna be trippin’,” remarked Snoop Dogg. “Every time Snoopy Dog tries to buy kibble, it’ll be like, ‘Fashizzle my doggy dizzle’.”
Critics have pointed out that this elaborate testing phase seems more suited to a reality TV show than a serious banking endeavor. “Next, they’ll have us paying with our shadows,” commented one analyst. But JP Morgan remains undeterred, convinced that ‘Pay with Your Face’ is the future.
As the launch date approaches, one thing is clear: when it comes to paying with your face, JPMorgan is leaving no stone, or cheekbone, unturned.
