Hilarious Horoscopes: Week 22
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19): Your week will be like a poorly assembled IKEA desk—full of potential but likely to collapse under pressure. Remember, those leftover screws are just life’s way of keeping you humble.
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): This week, your stubbornness will come in handy when arguing with your GPS. Who knew the scenic route could double as a shortcut to inner peace?
Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20): You’re feeling like a social butterfly, but be cautious—flutter too close to the gossip flame, and you might get your wings singed. Consider investing in some metaphorical SPF.
Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22): Emotions run high this week, so stock up on tissues and chocolate. Your ability to cry at commercials will be legendary.
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22): Your charm will be on full display, attracting admirers like a cat to an open can of tuna. Just remember, not all attention is created equal—watch out for the laser pointer of false flattery.
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22): Your organizational skills are peaking, and even your sock drawer will be impressed. Just don’t let your newfound efficiency turn you into a human Excel spreadsheet.
Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22): Balance is your forte, but this week, you’ll be juggling more than usual. Consider joining the circus—you might find the unicycle surprisingly therapeutic.
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): Your mysterious aura is at an all-time high, making even your houseplants suspicious. Embrace the enigma and watch as others try to decode your complex Wi-Fi password of a personality.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): Adventure calls, but so does your couch. Compromise with a Netflix documentary on extreme ironing. It’s the thrill you didn’t know you needed.
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19): Your ambition is unstoppable, much like a toddler with a marker near a white wall. Just be sure to channel that energy wisely—permanent ink mistakes are hard to scrub away.
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): Your innovative ideas will be in high demand this week. Who knew your concept of edible soap would finally catch on? Just be ready for some confused taste testers.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): Dreams and reality blur as your imagination takes the driver’s seat. Just remember, if you start trying to pay bills with Monopoly money, it might be time to dial it back a bit.
