Hilarious Horoscopes: Week 21
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Your enthusiasm is infectious, but so is your terrible singing in the shower. This week, embrace your inner rock star but consider investing in earplugs for your roommates.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You’ll discover that money can indeed buy happiness—in the form of a gourmet donut. Treat yourself to one, then spend the rest of the week convincing yourself it was a health food.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Your dual nature will shine this week, making you both the life of the party and the cause of its early end. Balance your social butterfly tendencies with a healthy dose of ghosting.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Your emotional tides are high, but so are your laundry piles. Tackle both with equal vigor. Nothing says self-care like folding clothes while sobbing to a rom-com.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
The spotlight is yours this week, Leo! Unfortunately, it’s because you left your phone flashlight on. Use this newfound attention to illuminate your many talents—and your way to the charger.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Your quest for perfection will lead you to alphabetize your spice rack. Friends will be impressed, but your oregano won’t taste any different. Remember: sometimes good enough is perfect.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Balance is key, Libra, but this week you’ll struggle to find it—especially on that new yoga ball. Stick to solid ground and aim for mental equilibrium instead.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Your intensity scares people off, but your sarcasm wins them back. This week, use your sharp tongue to cut through the nonsense but remember to add a pinch of sincerity.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Adventure calls, but so does your mom asking why you haven’t visited. Split the difference by exploring new places close to home, like that new cafe down the street. Yes, it’s an adventure.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Hard work pays off, Capricorn, but so does a well-timed nap. This week, master the art of productivity napping. You’ll be amazed at how refreshed and accomplished you feel.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Your innovative ideas are ahead of their time, Aquarius. So far ahead, in fact, that no one understands them. This week, try explaining your brilliance in smaller, digestible pieces.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Your dreamy nature will inspire creativity, but also a fair amount of confusion. Keep a notebook handy to capture your brilliant thoughts and avoid the embarrassment of asking, “What was I saying?”
Enjoy the absurdities of life and let the stars guide your laughs this week!
