New House Bill Proposes Sending Rowdy College Protesters on an “Educational” Trip to Gaza
In a turn that must be rather surprising regarding campus politics, House Republicans have crafted a piece of legislation which may soon have college activists not just taking their protest signs, but their passports. The measure, happily dubbed the “Learn Through Service Act,” would mandate that any person convicted of illegal campus activity after October 7, 2023 must serve their sentence through community service in Gaza.
“Think of it as a study abroad program, but you learn about international relations firsthand while picking up trash,” quipped Representative Chuck Boardman, the bill’s primary sponsor. “It’s about broadening horizons and maybe learning a bit of humility.”
The bill is so broad, it includes everything from unlawful campus activities of staging sit-ins and food fights in the cafeteria to the egregious offense of hoarding more than one dining hall apple. The punishment? A one-way ticket to assist with community service projects in one of the most conflict-ridden areas on the planet.
Critics lost no time in decrying the proposal and said it was outlandish, to say the least—actually completely insensitive. “Sending inexperienced college kids to a conflict zone? What could possibly go wrong?” asked opposition lawmaker Sarah Meantwell, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Meanwhile, human rights groups expressed grave concerns over the safety and ethics of such a punishment.
Those who spoke in favor of the bill argued that it would most definitely teach students to value the liberties they enjoy in the home setting. “Nothing says ‘cherish your First Amendment rights’ like a little stint in a place where free speech isn’t exactly a given,” noted one proponent who wished to remain anonymous. In what is being seen as an ironic backlash to the bill, college students across the nation are now registering to take part in mock “Gaza-bound” tours. “It’s part of our new extracurricular package,” joked one student body president. “Come for the education, stay for the involuntary international internships.”
If this “Learn-Through-Service Act” became law, it would not just redefine campus activism; it would likely become the spark for a whole new wave of it, with the target, quite ironically, being the legislation itself.
So, with all due respect to any student who may be wondering if they should join in on that mysterious-sounding flash mob on the quad, it may be best to pack the suitcase, just in case.
